I'm Already There
by TiCe
Summary: A BA story..Angsty. Happiness is found, but nothing can stay perfect forever, no matter what we might think. Dedicated to my Grandma.


Prologe…  
  
~*~  
  
Angelus had been defeated and Angel's soul was free to be human just like his friends and love. That had been almost 14 years ago, he struggled with the fact of being human again. Not being able to do the job and mission he had been so accustom to. Finding a normal job was extremely diffcult as seeing you were supposed to be dead almost 200 years ago and not even an American citizen. Fortunetely they still didn't keep that good of records on the citizens of Ireland, and all Angel had to do was speak in his irish accent, and pretend that he had only lived in America for 5 years not 100. Of course the hardest part of being human, or what he thought, would be the hardest was getting the girl. But soon he found out that, that was the simple part. The ex vampire just caught her inbetween classes during her senior year in college. The slayer had been sitting at a bench with her best friend when Angel came up. He had held a perfect red rose, he handed it to her and whispered the words "I love you. Please take me back?"  
  
Of course that was the simple part, remember?  
  
And for these two, things just get worse.  
  
~*~  
  
Part 1  
  
~*~  
  
It all started simply. They were getting dressed. Getting ready to go to a dinner party infact. Willow and Oz had just gotten back together and they were celebrating.  
  
Old habits die hard and Angel was wearing black slacks, and going through his closet to try to find the right shirt.  
  
Buffy had just gotten her dress on and went to go wrap her arms around his waist. Her hair and makeup were not done yet so she nuzzled her head on his tattoo. She began to kiss the base of his neck and worked her way up. He started to moan at her kisses, and knowing this could lead them to something that could make them late.  
  
"Buffy sweetheart. Stop. We can't be late."  
  
" I know." She put her chin on his shoulder. The girl placed one more kiss on that shoulder and started to walk away, when her eye caught something.  
  
"Angel? Have you always had that mole?" Her eyes curious. She always thought she had his whole body memorized.  
  
"What mole?" He asked turning around to face her.  
  
"This one." She led him to a mirror and pointed to a bloch probably the size of a needle head that was exactly where the neck and shoulder connect.  
  
"No. Huh…must be new. Oh well, those things can pop up anytime." He dismissed it and went for the closet again.  
  
"Maybe….maybe you should get it checked?" Buffy asked uncertainly. Angel stopped mid stride and faced her.  
  
"Beloved it's fine. Really." She still didn't bealive him. So he bent down and kissed her.  
  
They were 25 minutes late for the party.  
  
~*~  
  
Part 2  
  
~*~  
  
Angel sat in the doctor's office. It was good to be the boss, that way you could make sure you got full medical coverage. Him and Buffy had been married for about 6 months. They had been living together and dating for about a year, when Angel popped the big question. Marragie wasn't any different but that legal document made a diffrence for some weird reason. The doctor came in, with one of those serious stoney faces on. Angel personally didn't trust these people and there methods. It came far to close to ridiculas. Buffy just said that he didn't trust them cause in the 1700's they didn't have this kind of technology. He even thought the reason he was here now was mad. He did it for Buffy's sake. That mole, that she found. It had grown. He was aware of the fact that, that sounded stupid, but he was concerned. So he did what Buffy said, he went and got it checked. To bad it was about 10 months ago.  
  
~*~  
  
prt. 3  
  
~*~  
  
When Buffy got home her smile could have been seen from two towns over. That changed when she walked into the living room. It was completely dark, almost pitch black except the lamps that were on dim. A figure sat in a leather chair and amoir.  
  
"Angel?" She asked quietly. Her figure moving gracefully into the room. His eyes raised to see her. He quickly stood up and looked down upon her.  
  
"I have something to tell…"  
  
"I have something to tell…"  
  
They both began at the same time. Both chuckled at the counicidence.  
  
"You go first." He said ever the gentelman.  
  
"No, you cause you look like you have bad news and I have good." She said getting her bounce back.  
  
"I don't…"  
  
"Angel…My news will over come yours, and make you feel better."  
  
"Alright. You know that mole?" He asked cautiously. She nodded.  
  
"Well…" He pulled down his sweater and revealed the brown mound on his shoulder, it was about the size of a pea. Buffy gasped, her eyes going to his and back to the mark. She moved her fingers over it.  
  
"I went to the doctor today. And he said that…that I have…" He couldn't continue when he saw the look on her face. Tears had surrounded her hazel orbs and she bit her lip as if to cut off her tears. The lip she was softly biting continued to tremble and she kept loosing her grip on it. Finally she just let the agonizing cry leave her body and she let the tears flow. She wrapped her arms around his neck and held him to her.  
  
"..Skin cancer. He said that it was cause by to little of sun then to much sun at one time."  
  
He tried to sooth her and rubbed her back. She look back up to face him. Her face tear ridden and make-up smudged.  
  
"Don't die, please…don't die. I need you, I love you so much." She searched his eyes to find some sort of promise that he wouldn't.  
  
"The doctor said there's a good chance I won't. He said they caught it in an earlier stage so if they cut it out they are most sure it won't spread." She saw the truth in that and held him close again. He gentely picked her up and took her to their bedroom. He softly layed her down and went to take off her shoes. A sob broke the scilence when he let go of her. He leaned down and placed a kiss on her forehead. He sat down and removed her shoes. Then he took off his own along with the socks. He lyed down next to her and she turned on her side. Her eyes still closed and tears streaming down her face, she snuggled into his chest. He turned off the lamp and cuddled with her. As soon as he started to drift off, Buffy lifted her head and whispered in his ear "I'm pregnet."  
  
~*~  
  
Prt. 4  
  
~*~  
  
Kathryn Cordeila McKalin was the first of four children. And by far in her opinion the most mature. Even more mature then her dad, and her dad was….old. Very old. Like centries old. Kat was 12, Belle was 10, Adrian was 8, and Trinity was 6. All two years apart. In Kat's opinion that was way to close together. All children should be 10 years apart. That way they would be in different stages at different times. At times she just wished it was her and Trinity. They had a special link to each other. Both girls had their Daddy's choclate brown hair, and the purest emeral green eyes. No one knew how that had happened. At first Buffy thought Kat was infected by a demon. But then Angel said, that those eyes, the eyes that are the color of the rolling hills in Galway, were his mother's and that they must have been in his genes. No one else in the family has them. Adrian has Dad's eyes, Belle has mom's.  
  
I'll never forget the day. That day….mom was making lunch. Grilled cheese and carrot sticks, I'll never forget. Adrian and Trini were playing tag in the kitchen and laughing. Me and Belle were doing homework, I was trying to help her but she kept getting distracted. I had just scolded her when the phone rang.  
  
1 He called her on the road  
  
From a lonely cold hotel room  
  
Just to hear her say "I love you" one more time  
  
But when he heard the sound  
  
Of kids laughing in the background  
  
He had to wipe away a tear from his eye  
  
I've never been afraid of dying. Not even when I was human before I was turned. I never thought of it there for never feared it. But I'm scared now, not for me. But, for my wife and my kids. I can feel myself slipping. I don't want to use the word finally. I had wanted to die so many times. But why now? When I was sitting in trash in New York I would just wait for something to come and lop my head off, or ram a stake through my heart, but it would never come. Now, now that I'm finally really happy, they decide to take me. I'm not ungrateful though, the Powers they gave me my redemption, and the chance to be with my family for 12 years and be with Buffy for almost 16 years, including when we started dating. We thought we had it all. Before Kat was born, I had the sugury and they said they got it before it spread. Then we went on to have Belle and Adrian. Adrian, my only boy, always bitter cause we named him a girl name. I have to laugh at when he found out, he was so mad he didn't talk to us for a week. He chuckled and it hurt. Before Trinity was born he went in for his regular check up. And they found it. They found the cancer had spread to his lungs. They only checked his lungs cause Buffy thought he had developed asthma in his old age. They laughed about that one too. Unfortunetly it was to advanced in it's stage to do surgery and way to dangerous. So, there only choice was kemo-therepy or radiation. They decided with the Kemo. Not the best of choices. My body is stuck in the 1700's and doesn't have a immunaty to certain things. It began to break down my circulartory system. He stop treatment and had to be kept in the hospital. The children weren't dealing well with the situation and neither was Buffy. The younger children didn't understand, Belle would cry herself to sleep every night, and Kat would be in denial. When anyone asked where her Daddy was she would just say he was on a bussiness trip. She couldn't face the fact that her Dad was dying. Buffy had grown so much older in that 6 years. I would continualy tell her to forget about me and find her someone who was healthy. She would shake her head and cry some more. My love would come every night, sometimes bringing the kids but mostly come alone and get Willow to watch them. The kids would come everyother day with someone like Xander or Cordeila. He knew Buffy stayed at home and cried, cause he could feel her heart ache.  
  
My breathes are quickening and I pick up the phone.  
  
~*~  
  
Prt. 5  
  
~*~  
  
"Hello?" My mom's fake cheerfull, I'd rather be crying then talk to you, Voice sounds.  
  
Don't we all, Mom?  
  
"Angel!" She sherikes my Daddy's name. I look down on my worksheets as the tears blur my vision. Anytime I think of Daddy I cry. That happens a lot during school, and I ask to go to the batheroom. The teacher just looks at me sadly and gives me a pass, no questions asked. I think my Mom told her. A lot of times I meet Belle in there and we cry together. I look over to my sister and her tears are already falling. We share a small connection there. Then a loud noise disturbs us. I look over to my Mother who had fallen and was crying histarically. She had the phone cluched to her ear and she kept saying 'I love you' untill she couldn't talk. I went over to her and took the phone from her.  
  
2 A little voice came on the phone  
  
Said 'Daddy, when you comin' home?'  
  
He said the first thing that came to his mind  
  
"Daddy?" I said into the phone.  
  
"Hi, Sweetheart. Is Mommy alright?" He had an urgent sounding voice.  
  
"She's crying, Daddy. Belle is trying to calm her down." I said my voice so small compaired to his.  
  
"Kathryn, I need you to do me a favor."  
  
"Okay, Daddy."  
  
"I need you to be strong. Can you do that?"  
  
"Sure, Daddy." I sound unsure, and so young.  
  
"You're the oldest, and I need you to take care of your brother and sisters." He sounds weak now, not so strong. I don't know why I know. But…  
  
"Daddy, why can't you stay here? With me and Mommy and Belle and Adrian and Trini?"  
  
3 I'm already there  
  
Take a look around  
  
I'm the sunshine in your hair, I'm the shadow on the ground  
  
I'm the whisper in the wind  
  
I'm your imaginary friend  
  
And I know I'm in your prayers  
  
Oh I'm already there  
  
I sat there for a few seconds and got no reply.  
  
"Daddy?" I ask.  
  
Again no anwser.  
  
"Daddy??'" I say again more loudly.  
  
"Sweetheart, put your mommy on the phone for a moment." I hear Daddy say.  
  
I tap Mommy on the shoulder and I saw her look up. She gently takes the phone and says in a small voice my Dad's name. Why can't anyone be strong? Why can't anyone make my Daddy stay?  
  
~*~  
  
Part 6  
  
~*~  
  
I probably scared Kathryn to death by not anwsering her. I had just taken a sip of water cause my throught is so dry, too dry. I hear my beautiful wife say my name.  
  
"Beloved, I love you so much." I say to reply to her.  
  
"Angel, please, please…" She keeps saying.  
  
"Shhh. Love."  
  
"At least wait to me and the kids get down there." She said pleading.  
  
"There's not enough time." I said.  
  
"There's never enough time."  
  
"Buffy I want you to promise me something." This kills me. Not literally.  
  
"Anything." Her immediate response is.  
  
"I want you to find someone. Some one who can love you and father the children." A sob comes from the other line.  
  
"No! No, anything but that."  
  
"The children need a father." I argue.  
  
"And they have one. You they love you and no one else. You'll be in their hearts. And they always have Xander, Oz, Spike, Gunn and Giles." She's still crying.  
  
"Just say you'll never give up hope?" I settle.  
  
"I promise. And I will love you always please know that."  
  
"I will, I lo…..love y-you too." I can't talk any more it hurts to much.  
  
4 She got back on the phone  
  
Said I really miss you darlin'  
  
Don't worry abiyt the kids, they'll be alright  
  
Wish I was in your arms lyin' right there beside you  
  
But I know I'll be in your dreams tonight  
  
And I'll gently kiss your lips  
  
And touch you with my fingertips  
  
So turn out the light and close your eyes  
  
"Buffy, after I…after, go to Wesley. He has everything, and he will take care of everything. There's enough money for everything. The funeral, the college funds…." My voice is scratchy and I am talking very quick breathes.  
  
"It doesn't matter, Angel. None of it matters. The only thing we need is you."  
  
"And I disapoint again…" I say. It's harsh I know. But not undiserving.  
  
"Don't say that Angel! Never say that! You have never disapointed me. Ever." She still is crying.  
  
"Alright, Beloved." I swallow hard. I'm slowly sufficating, my throat is closing as the cancer swells.  
  
"How am I suppose to go on with out you? I love you so much. Why is this always happening to us?" She is babbling, and I love her for it.  
  
"You'll find a way, love." I say closing my eyes.  
  
5 I'm already there  
  
Don't make a sound  
  
I'm beating in your heart  
  
I'm the moonlight shining down  
  
And I'll be there till the end  
  
Can you feel the love that we share  
  
Oh I'm already there  
  
"I love you more then anything, my Angel." She says that again.  
  
"Tell the children I love them. And that I'll be with them always. Tell all our friends good bye for me." He said his voice dying out.  
  
"Angel?!" Buffy shrieks.  
  
"I will love you always. Nothing can change that not even death….."  
  
6 We nat be a thousand miles apart  
  
But I'll be with you wherever you are  
  
Something passed through Buffy. And she began to cry. She buried her head into her knees and Belle began to sob. Buffy look up at her children and saw the two youngest looking at there mother silently confused. The young mother wrapped her arms around her second youngest daughter and they cried together. Kat hung up the phone, and looked at her mother and sister. She closed her eyes and two lonely tears fell from her eyes. She went over to Adrian and Trinity and told them to go to there rooms untill they were told other wise. She went over to the phone and called her Aunt Willow. Telling her what happened. After she hung up, Kathryn looked up towards the ceiling. She slowly sank down to the floor and began to really cry about it, beside her mother and sister.  
  
//I promise Daddy. I will be strong. Just as you were.//  
  
She almost heard the new Angel in heaven whispering "That's my girl."  
  
7 I'm already there  
  
Take a look around  
  
I'm the sunshine in your hair  
  
I'm a shadow on the ground  
  
I'm the whisper in the wind  
  
~*~  
  
Song and Title is : I'm already there by Lonestar  
  
Can you say depressing?? I wrote that a while ago… 


End file.
